Experts interviewed for a report by NBC News talked about “Overworked, [...]]]> I was just interviewed by the awesome Brooke and Monti on their Radio Show “The Ladies Room” at Movin 92.5 – about Superwoman Syndrome. Hopefully I’ll be able to give you a copy of the actual interview segment soon – I’ll let you know. In the meantime:

Experts interviewed for a report by NBC News talked about “Overworked, overwhelmed and overscheduled women juggling families, friends and careers are turning to stimulants, painkillers and anti-anxiety meds to help launch them through endless to-do lists,” the article goes on to say. “Women load their lives with so much that they get in over their heads, and some turn to prescription pills to cope,” said Talia Witkowski, a psychologist in Los Angeles.

So, here are my thoughts on Overwhelm & 7 Tips to BEAT it!

Do you ever experience forgetfulness, racing thoughts, daydreaming at inconvenient moments, become snappy, have difficulty falling or staying asleep or find it hard some days to ‘see the wood for the trees’? These signs of stress have become so common that we accept them as part of life today.

In fact, these days we’re better off than we’ve ever been – most of us in the Western World have no worries about food, clean water, clothing and shelter. And technology has made things faster, smaller and more useable – entertaining us, saving us money, time, stress and hassle!

But instead of using the time saved to relax while the dishwasher is on we simply cram more into our already busy lives. And we can now be in constant contact with everyone at all times via multiple phone numbers, email, Facebook, Twitter and many different forms of instant and text-messaging.

The explosion of automation, possibility and choice means we are constantly over-committed, over-connected, over-informed and overwhelmed!

The good news is that overwhelm is something we largely create for ourselves. We try to manage time better when we really should be managing ourselves better – doing less and looking after our needs more.

7 Top Tips to BEAT your OVERWHELM!

1. What’s your overwhelm indicator? How do you know you’ve gone too far, taken on too much or are pushing yourself too hard? Just starting to notice when you feel overwhelmed is a huge step forward. As people get better at noticing, they learn to stop, think and do something about it.
2. Simply stop and ask yourself the question; “OK, so what’s the EASY way to do this?” Listen to your inner wisdom and implement!
3. Identify your Top 5 Priorities and make these your focus. People’s top priorities often include things like family/friends, health, financial security and being happy or enjoying life. Next time you feel overwhelmed you can regain calm by asking “What would help my family?” or “What would be best for my health/financial situation/happiness right now?”
4. Create calm in your mind. Place your feet on the floor and focus on your breathing for a moment. Now close your eyes and imagine your thoughts, tasks, “to do’s” etc. as a river raging around you. Slowly imagine the river getting calmer and calmer until it is a quiet, gently flowing stream. Once it is a gentle stream, imagine it getting smaller and trickling into a beautiful, quiet, still pond. Now you are ready to continue with your day – one thing at a time.
5. Just make a decision. Sometimes NOT making a decision adds to your overwhelm, as options and possibilities crowd your mind. Simply make the best choice with the information available to you at the time and CHOOSE to be happy with it.
6. Re-learn how to say “No”. There will ALWAYS be more to do than time available. Once you know what’s REALLY important to you, make that your priority and let go of the rest! Re-learn how to say “No” and you’ll feel amazing!
7. Set yourself up well for the day. People know they cope with daily stresses better when they are well rested. If you go to bed just 30 minutes earlier each day you will start your day feeling more rested and better-fueled. Also, the TV stimulates your brain so turn off the TV at least an hour before bedtime and allow your brain to unwind.

I once read that the harder you push yourself, the harder your self pushes back. So, remember that your life is a never-ending series of choices – make yours wisely!

Remember, we ALWAYS LOVE to hear YOUR thoughts!
Just leave your reply below!

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OK, I admit, this doesn’t SOUND very rebellious. Until you try to do it. And realise that [...]]]> Our VERY FIRST REBELLION is linked to this month’s theme of goals. It’s about picking goals that YOU truly want, that get YOU excited – not what everyone else or society thinks you should do… What are your SECRET dreams?

OK, I admit, this doesn’t SOUND very rebellious. Until you try to do it. And realise that it’s very easy to dismiss our deepest held dreams and ideas as silly, not meaningful enough – or just not what we’re supposed  to do with our lives.

Perhaps you want to sing in a rock band or dance. Maybe you want to travel. Or what about wanting to write, paint, be an actress, teach yoga, live in Italy, run your own bookstore, or like me - run off to the countryside and grow your own food and vegetables? Our SECRET dreams are often creative or soulful - things society tells us are not worthwhile or ’sensible’ to make a living at, but they can be anything that goes against our upbringing. For example I once had a client who was brought up in a ‘giving’ charitable household that disdained money, but she wanted to earn lots of money and be a hotshot business executive…

Your SECRET dreams are the dreams you haven’t YET turned into goals – because they don’t fit how we think our lives SHOULD be lived…

So, how about a few questions to help you get started? TIP: If you can’t think of an answer, just let it be for a moment. Think back to your childhood – how would you answer that question if you were a child?

1. Start by making a list of everything you want to be, do and have in life – we call this your Wacky, Wild List. Include EVERYTHING you can think of from ‘boring’ and ‘normal’ to wacky and wild. If you want some help with this check out our Tools & Resources Page and get your free “Wacky Wild List Brainstorming Tool”
2. Ask yourself, “What are my secret dreams and goals?”, “What do I think and dream about that I dismiss as impossible, silly, a waste of time or perhaps something for the future?”
3. What gets you really excited about life? What, when you think about doing it, do you feel excited and happy about - all the way through you? Ask “What do you want MORE of in your life? What EXCITES and INSPIRES you?” (Make a list)
4. What, when you’re doing it, do you get so absorbed in that you feel at peace inside and forget all about time and the world outside? Ask yourself, “What do I TRULY enjoy?” Remember, we tend to enjoy what we’re good at or have a talent for – although that doesn’t mean we won’t have to work at it to improve…
5. List the top 10 things in life that give you joy – what makes your heart sing? When you’ve finished, what do you notice? Do any of these items appear on any of your other answers? If you want some help with this check out our Tools & Resources Page and get your free “What Makes My Heart Sing” Tool 
6. Ask yourself, “What would I try now if you KNEW I could not fail?” Make a list of at least 10 things – and start ONE!
7. What would you do or try if you had all the; money/time/confidence/support and encouragement/energy you needed?”
8. If you were to consider what’s POSSIBLE instead of what’s PROBABLE, what would you do differently?
9. As the Spice Girls said, “So, tell me what you want, what you REALLY, really want?”

So, while some of your dreams may be life or career-changing the rebellion I’m talking about here is is acknowledging – at the VERY least to yourself - your SECRET dreams.

And then finding a way to bring more of them into your life – whether you work towards a BIG goal or simply bring the activities you love into your life by taking a course, starting a hobby or even volunteering. Even if you do it for ‘fun’, who knows where it may lead…

So, go on REBEL! And bring out the real, authentic you!

Remember, we always LOVE to hear what you’ve learned & what you’re thinking.
Just comment and leave a reply below!

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Because millions of people around the globe set resolutions for the year ahead – but most give up part way through. In fact according to statistics, 23% of resolutions are broken in the first week and 45% by the end of the month.

Each ‘New [...]]]> It’s week 2 of January 2010. Where are you with your resolutions?

Because millions of people around the globe set resolutions for the year ahead – but most give up part way through. In fact according to statistics, 23% of resolutions are broken in the first week and 45% by the end of the month.

Each ‘New Year’ gives us another opportunity to let go of the past and define the future we want. And wherever you are right now, it’s always helpful to have some tips to help up along the way…

Firstly, what can you do to improve your resolution success stats? Well you need to get committed! We say, “I’d like to eat more healthily, stop smoking, make more time for me,” but really it’s more of a ‘nice to have’ or something we feel we ’should’ do: The key elements of making a COMMITMENT or a DECISION are simply not there.

Have you noticed that when we really want something enough we FIND a way to MAKE it happen? When people express their goals and then repeatedly avoid their actions it’s time to explore where they are holding themselves back. Because sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you WANT the goal, your hidden resistance will find a way to sabotage you… I’m sure you’ve experienced this yourself at some time – and in coaching we call this your ’secondary gain’.

To identify your secondary gain you can ask, “How do I benefit by staying just as I am?” Maybe in the case of a fitness goal, you get to stay in bed longer in the morning or you get to continue enjoying your daily doughnut (yum!).

The famous motivational speaker Anthony Robbins says its all about pleasure and pain: When the pain gets bad enough, we WILL do something about it. But often the pain of where we are at the moment simply isn’t enough for us to make the changes we think we want... So we choose to put up with known, familiar pain, rather than take the ‘hit’ of unknown, unfamiliar short-term pain to change our habits.

10 Tips to help you KEEP your Resolutions this year!

1. Choose something for YOURSELF, not because someone else (or your inner critic) wants it for you.
2. Keep it SIMPLE and choose ONE THING to focus on. Don’t spread your attention too wide.
3. Keep it SMALL. If the resolution is TOO large a change it will be all too easy to fall back on ‘old habits’.
4. Make it WORTH DOING – challenging enough to hold your interest and make you feel good when complete.
5. State your resolution in the POSITIVE eg. If giving up nail-biting try “I have beautiful nails” so every time you think about it you are reminded what you WANT and not what you DON’T want.
6. See a ’slip’ as an opportunity to REFOCUS. What can you learn, change, avoid or do differently next time?
7. TELL PEOPLE you trust about your resolution and ask them to hold you accountable.
8. If you have a bigger goal, choose a TRANSITION step or ‘journey goal’ for your resolution and create a firm foundation for your future.
9. Get COMMITTED and WRITE IT DOWN! Now put it somewhere you will see it regularly.
10. Use dates and measures to make the resolution SPECIFIC and MEASURABLE – how else will you know you are on track or have succeeded? When we see progress or an improvement it spurs us to keep going.

So, maybe you now have a better idea of why we don’t meet our resolutions… This year, will you make a DECISION to commit to your resolution and ‘just do it’  or will it be a ‘nice to have’? The fabulous thing is YOU get to decide!

And if you want some help setting some goals for 2010 you may like our awesome free Goal-Setting Tool – a 3 page Funsheet – complete with a Summary Page to put up and remind you…

Let me know how you get on – as always we LOVE to hear what you are thinking
just comment and leave a reply below!

So, a HUGG is simply a Huge Unbelievably Great Goal…

They’re the huge goals that get us really excited [...]]]> OK, so I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here… The theme for January is GOALS. But it’s always nice to think about our goals a little BEFORE the end of the year don’t you think? And I love HUGGS…

So, a HUGG is simply a Huge Unbelievably Great Goal…

They’re the huge goals that get us really excited – they’re so inspiring that we willingly go to great lengths to achieve them.

And HUGGS are easier to achieve than you might think. Why? Because a HUGG excites us so much that we actually enjoy thinking about and working towards it – we might even enjoy planning how we get there. And with a little bit of a push, we might actually TAKE action instead of just thinking about it…

A HUGG actually breaks many “goal-setting rules” because it’s often vague and without a specific deadline. Examples of HUGGS could be moving to a new country, travelling the world for 3 years, starting a charity, entirely changing careers and getting a book published.  Other HUGG factors include:

• They should be 5-25 years away
• They should align strongly with your values
• They may seem impossible at first, but they become more real and possible as time passes, often being achieved earlier than you expected or in unexpected ways…
• You feel GREAT or excited when you think about your HUGG

As time passes, it helps to get more specific about your HUGG, but first you need to have one!

Creating your own HUGG: Take 20-30 minutes to yourself, somewhere comfortable and relaxing and brainstorm. Ask, “What do I really, REALLY want?”, “What would really inspire and excite me?”, “What would I happily work my ass off to achieve?” Make a list of 10-30 items and circle 1-3 of then that you’d like to ‘hold’ onto in your life. Now write these 1-3 items on a piece of card and put it in your wallet. You can also write them on post-its and put them somewhere you will see them regularly – your fridge, computer monitor, bathroom mirror etc.

Alternatively – create a Vision Board. Simply cut out pictures and write words and quotes that represent your dream life. You could even have a Vision Board ‘party’ with friends! And now put your Vision Board somewhere you will see it regularly.

Once you have your HUGG, start taking small actions. Research – the internet is ideal for this! Ask questions. Read books/memoirs or watch a film of  people who’ve done what you want to do. Hang out with people who’ve done what you want to do. Start small!

Small, steady action is all you need. One of my favourites quotes is, ”We rise to great heights by a winding staircase of small steps” Francis Bacon.

My previous HUGGS include changing career (IT Project Manager -> Life Coach), moving to another country (Canada, from the UK) and most recently moving to Salt Spring Island.

My next HUGGs? To get a book published. To make enough money from my writing and coaching tools for both Duncan and I to live on. To be an artist – photography maybe. To do something in the charitable world – for the elderly or the homeless. Become a vegetarian (I like meat!).

Share your HUGGS with us below! We LOVE to hear what you’re thinking
so just comment and leave a reply below!

NB. Set your 2010 goals with our awesome 3 page Goal-Setting Funsheet here

MORE: Want to hear how I achieved my latest HUGG?

My latest HUGG was moving to Salt Spring Island and it went on my Vision Board at the end of 2005. At that time we were thinking a move to Salt Spring was realistically 5-10 years away (so a perfect HUGG).

So, before we got carried away we wanted to make sure it was ’doable’. And so every time we visited Salt Spring we would look at properties – everything from the cheapest and smallest holiday cottages to actual homes. Then, on Valentine’s weekend in 2007 we decided we’d looked at enough homes, house prices were affordable compared to North Vancouver and we’d just look at a final two homes that weekend.

Well, that was it. We fell in love. Over the last year we’d been getting to know the island and what we wanted from a home. It had to be 3+ acres so we could have a ‘legal’ guest cottage. It needed to have a high flow-rate well or be on mains water. We wanted to be within 10 minutes drive of Ganges. We wanted to have at least 1-2 acres of land we could grow food on. We did NOT want to be on a busy main road (cats and noise). We wanted a small home (less housework, more environmentally friendly!). We wanted something (cheaper) that would free up some equity from our  home in North Vancouver.

So, when we looked around on our Valentine weekend away, we knew this was the place. I remember using our cellphone as a calculator as we estimated mortgage payments, budgets and made calculations. We went for a second look on Sunday, put in an offer and raced to get the ferry back to Vancouver.

At the time, the plan was to buy it and rent it out until we moved there. But as our excitement grew, so did our ideas to go and live there earlier than we had planned. 5-10 years became 3-5 years, which became 2-3 years. And in reality it took only 18 months.

It wasn’t easy. In that 18 months I worked my socks off – networking, coaching, building coaching tools, doing seminars and workshops. Duncan did a lot of travel with work and we were tired a lot of the time. But it didn’t matter. It felt good. And now we’re here and I’m happier than I have ever been. Worth going for don’t you think?

I don’t know about you, but one of my struggles with understanding guilt [...]]]> Part of my ‘journey’ was (and still is) about setting fewer ‘rules’ and being more spontaneous. So, this morning I was reading about guilt – and found it so helpful that I decided to spontaneously share my learnings about guilt with you right away!

I don’t know about you, but one of my struggles with understanding guilt has always been that even though it feels ‘bad’ I can see there’s a NEED for guilt in the human species. And yet guilt seems so unnecessarily prevalent in our society – show me a mother who doesn’t feel (often crippling) guilt…

So, there are apparently two types of guilt; 1) REASONABLE GUILT and 2) UNREASONABLE GUILT

REASONABLE GUILT comes from a lack of internal integrity – we stepped away from our own truth and did something clearly ‘wrong’ in our own mind. When we feel reasonable or appropriate guilt we return to balance through facing it and making amends. Reasonable guilt leads us to confront ourselves, resolve the matter as best we can and move on. It’s a mature response that leads us to our own learning and accountability.

UNREASONABLE GUILT however is a learned response - it is triggered by something external to us - an outside demand we could not or did not meet. Unreasonable or neurotic guilt is about BLAME and originates from fear. When we feel unreasonable guilt, making amends does not resolve our guilty feelings, we self-judge and end up going round in circles, suffering unproductive pain.

So, WHY does unreasonable guilt hang around? Because we’re avoiding something. Perhaps we’re avoiding losing someone’s approval or love or we’re avoiding feeling angry at someone or perhaps we put our needs above someone else’s. And then there’s the long shot – perhaps there’ s something big we don’t want to face (like our partner no longer loves us), so we find ways to blame ourselves for their behaviour and feel guilty about that rather than face the truth. OK, so the last one is pretty deep, but it does happen.

So, how do you know it’s UNREASONABLE GUILT? Well, if  you feel ANY of these:

• You feel limited – like there is only one course of action
• You feel stuck or trapped
• You don’t feel fully responsible or accountable
• You’re protecting someone else’s feelings
• You’ve apologised, made amends and yet you STILL feel guilty
• You feel to BLAME and on some level, perhaps you feel the need to be punished

Whereas with REASONABLE GUILT:

• You know exactly why you feel this way – it’s clear cut
• You feel responsible and accountable
• It’s resolved by stopping the behaviour, facing it and taking relevant and appropriate amending action
• We acknowledge and affirm our entire cycle of actions from beginning to end – leading to learning, self-forgiveness and ultimately higher self-esteem.

So, what do you do when you’re feeling UNREASONABLE GUILT?

1. ALLOW the guilt, stop fighting it!
2. NOTICE what the guilt is covering up. What are you avoiding facing?
   Journal or write about it if it helps.
3. Acknowledge and FACE WHATEVER is there
   This takes courage but is SO worth it!
4. ACCEPT the situation AS IT IS
   Forgive and have compassion for yourself and anyone involved…

When it comes to UNREASONABLE guilt ONLY (because we NEED reasonable guilt), use this quote to help you:

“Make choices WITH guilt, not because of it”  David Richo

All too often we think because we FEEL guilty – it must be true, we are a bad person. But guilt is JUST A THOUGHT – and not reality. If you can separate these two – and face your thoughts – you are well on your way!

Let me know how you get on – as always we LOVE to hear what you are thinking
just comment and leave a reply below!