Rebel Women Cafe » Women

Stuff Your Pompoms!

Emma-Louise — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 22:54:39 +0000

I liked this rant – about feminism and cheerleading and whether it’s a ’sport’ or not… Because cheerleading is now considered a sport in 37% of UK schools!

Check out The Observer editorial here.

Sadly I found this article too late to comment – otherwise I would have added that one of the things that drives me crazy about women – is that many of us don’t know how to compete with each other in a healthy way.

Competition between women often ends up in bitching, complaining, backstabbing and damaged friendships (just watch an episode of Next Top Model!). I believe this is because we don’t get to practice competing against each other enough growing up. Competition is seen as unfeminine… Whereas for men it seems growing up is ALL about competing with each other. And whilst I wouldn’t want to reach that extreme – at least they get to let all their energy and passion loose, try their hardest and then despite competing hard with each other – still be friends afterwards… I’m sure there are other women out there (like me) who have held themselves back to avoid upsetting others?

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News – US Cancels Prom Over Lesbian Date

Emma-Louise — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 21:54:02 +0000

Curious what you guys think about this…

US school cancels prom ‘over lesbian date’ See the BBC news article here.

I think the bit that got me was that when she asked about the ban on taking a same sex date to the prom – she was told to remember where she was. And where was that – the United States of America! So much for equality for all…

Constance McMillen is one courageous 18 year old. Bravo!

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News – Progress for Women in India!

Emma-Louise — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:39:54 +0000

I like to include news items about women around the world – as a way of reminding myself how lucky we are – and how many women there are who are still striving for safety, equality and justice.

So, a landmark bill has just been passed in India which reserves a third of seats for women in parliament (after vigorous resistance from a small group of socialist MPs).

See the BBC online news correspondent for India’s article here

What makes this article interesting is some of the facts – for example only 54% of women in India are literate, compared with more than 76% of men, and history – the only supporter of reserving seats for women in parliament 50 years ago was a man and his comments make hilarious reading. And why am I not surprised that “studies of India’s village councils and municipalities – where a third of the seats are already reserved for women – have found that increased political representation of women leads to more investment in health and education, less corruption and more altruism.”

Hurrah for India’s women!

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Trailblazers 01 – The Famous Five

Emma-Louise — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 19:50:31 +0000

The Famous Five (Canada)

Is a woman a ‘person’? Apparently not before these five TRAILBLAZING women from Alberta, Canada banded together.

Emily Murphy - the first female judge in the British Empire
Irene Marryat Parlby – a farm women’s leader, activist and first female Cabinet minister in Alberta, Canada
Nellie Mooney McClung – a famous suffragist and member of the Alberta legislature
Louise Crummy McKinney – the first woman elected to any legislature in Canada or the British Empire (the Legislative Assembly of Alberta, Canada)
Henrietta Muir Edwards – a working women’s advocate and a founding member of the Victorian Order of Nurses

It seems outrageous now – but it’s thanks to these five women that women can now hold public office in Canada. In 1927 they came together to ask if the “word ‘Persons’ in Section 24 of the British North America Act, 1867, included female persons?”

Why? They wanted to know if a women was a ‘person’ and could therefore hold public office.

And so it was in 1928 Canada’s Supreme Court ruled in the negative! In a UNANIMOUS decision the final line of the judgement read “Understood to mean ‘Are women eligible for appointment to the Senate of Canada,’ the question is answered in the negative.”

These five women then championed what became known as “The Persons Case”. And thankfully this judgement was later overturned by the British Judicial Committee of the Privy Council – which was a HUGE leap forward for women’s rights.

Interestingly this case also had a lasting impact on Canada’s constitution, leading to something called “The Living Tree Doctrine” which in essence says that a constitution is organic – and must adapt to the changing times. So, the Constitution now has to be read within the context of current society to ensure that it adapts and reflects changes.

The power of FRIENDSHIP: These five women were known both as The Famous Five and The Valiant Five. I wonder if alone, they would have succeeded? What we do know is that together they proved an unstoppable force and it’s thanks to them that we have women in public office and a constitution that will also reflect society – as we change and grow!

ACTION: And if you’re in Canada, next time you see the latest $50 bank note, check out the reverse and you’ll see the Famous Five commemorated along with Therese Casgrain another women’s right’s champion!

Thanks to Shelley Watson for the suggestion of these women as our inaugural “Trailblazing Women” feature!

How NOT to Take Things Personally…

Emma-Louise — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 22:50:42 +0000

Last week we talked about being honest. So how do we now cope with our friends’ new found honesty and not take things so personally?

First a WARNING - to get my message across I am making huge generalisations about men and women…

So, men regularly insult each other, speak the truth and manage to stay friends – or at least on speaking terms. If necessary, men will react and say something AT THE TIME, OR they have the self-esteem (self-respect) to recognize that it’s not about them and LET IT GO – sometimes on the playing field or into a punch-bag.

Whereas women seem to bottle up hurts, slights AND take them personally. We either TALK about or internally analyse the incident, either ripping each other apart passive aggressively and complaining behind their backs or we obsess about understanding every detail of what happened.

What is this female obsession we have with UNDERSTANDING? What are your thoughts?

For me I want to know WHY the person said or did what they did. I want to know MY part. How did this happen, did I deserve it? Is it fair? Was it my fault, do I need to make amends?

And the problem with trying to understand is that it’s often deeply personal. When someone reacts negatively to something you’ve said or done, they may be feeling inadequate around you. Perhaps you ‘threaten’ their hard-won self-esteem or maybe you’ve stepped on one of their values. Or maybe they recognize something in you that’s also in THEM - that they don’t like – and therefore have to push it away.

But the chances are that if they REACTED negatively to you, they’re not aware of the reasons themselves. Because if they were aware, they would be saying something to themselves like, “Oh darn it – I’m feeling inadequate again!”, INSTEAD of ripping into you…

So, back to this need to understand. If someone doesn’t know the exact reasons for their own behaviour, how could you? We do ourselves a great disservice when we over-analyse situations, question ourselves and try to get to the bottom of everything.

The reality is simply that you, or they, felt something that you were not comfortable with. THAT is the only reality. And we need to remain OPEN to the experience and not JUDGE our response to it. We need to learn compassion for ourselves – and for them. Just because you feel or think something does not make it TRUE – but it does mean it is REAL for you in the moment. Denying feelings just bottles things up to explode later…

Looking within is a great strategy to better ourselves – BUT it’s not about finding fault with us or anyone else. It’s about accepting ALL of ourselves and taking any obvious learning that’s there. Then we need to let go. And if you need to, pummel something (but not the cat!) or talk to the person involved.

The reality is that humans are flawed – and so are friendships. That’s all there is to it.

I definitely still take things personally sometimes. The difference is these days – I check in with myself first. I ask, “Is this about me?” and the chances are that it isn’t. Then, if I think something needs dealing with, I’ll ask the person involved, “Did you MEAN to say that – because it really left me feeling bad.” Or something similar. This way if they intended to hurt you – you’ve called them on it. They’ll know you’re not a pushover and will think twice about doing it again. And if they didn’t mean to hurt you, you get to clear it up with them!

Have you read “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz? If not, this is a great starter or reminder of the principles to living an authentic life. Ruiz’ second agreement is: DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. He says what others say and do is all about their own reality and how they see the world…

AND remember – it’s often simply our perception that has over-reacted. We think we’ve upset them – but really they’ve been super-busy, are tired or stressed. There’s no way you can know everything going on in their lives. So if we have a choice how we interpret something – isn’t it healthier to assume it’s about them and not us?

Picture this: When you no longer worry about the opinions of others, you’ll be FREE!

Finally, maybe next time you take something personally you’ll do something different like:

Sit with it. Simply allow the experience of feeling hurt or judged until it passes.
Phew! This is so simple but a toughie – let us know how you get on with this one!
Look inside for a resentment, fear or limiting belief that has been triggered.
If you think someone ignored you and it hurt, perhaps you worry that you’re boring and unlikeable. Or if someone patronized you, perhaps you feel inferior to them? Because think about it, if you didn’t worry that you were boring you would ASSUME they just hadn’t seen you. And if you didn’t already feel inferior on some level, it wouldn’t bother you…
Speak up! If you think someone is really out of line, perhaps you’ll call them on it. Try “When you did x, I felt y. Just wanted to let you know.” Then be silent for a moment and see what happens.
This isn’t about blaming them – but letting them know the impact of their behaviour on you – so they can behave differently in the future, or you can clear up the misunderstanding.

Note: While it’s good to push out of your comfort zone, only do what you can handle (of course you CAN handle everything, but it helps to believe that!)

And AS ALWAYS – we love to hear your thoughts or how you get on.
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