Quickie Exercises – Friendship

THUMBNAIL To Do Post-It
  1. FRIEND IDENTIFIER: The Barbecue Test! Simply ask yourself who you would invite over for the “Perfect Barbecue”?
  2. FRIEND IDENTIFIER: You’ve been selected to be profiled on “This is Your Life”. What names would you want provided to the show researchers?
  3. FRIENDSHIP BOOSTER: Take some time out to tell your most important friends how you really feel about them, how they improve (and have improved) your life and how you’d feel without them…

For more detailed tools and exercises check out your Tools & Resources page.

7 comments to Quickie Exercises – Friendship

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  • Angela

    Great thoughts ladies…Emma I agree with you…I think us women are often afraid of the repercussions of an honest conversation– “Essentially a fear that if I say what I really think – I might be rejected, excluded or ridiculed in some way.” I guess it is safe to say that you can take the individual out of high school, but often it takes a lot of work to take high school out of the individual.

    Yes Rav, I whole hardheartedly agree that it is important to be tactful in our approach–and it is important to be honest– as a receiver of the honesty we have to listen from a place of trust in our friend, placing our insecurities at rest, with a hope to change, reflect, and/or refine ourselves for the better. It is often our insecurities that have us behave defensively or viciously.

    I am working at being brutally honest with an air of sensitivity—not worrying about losing a friend—if the relationship is strong it should be able to withstand some healthy honesty—the complexity lies in the supposed “strength” of the relationship…

    • Angela,

      As always you raise great points and add to the discussion! A good friendship (as in Sex and the City!) ‘should’ be able to withstand honesty and mistakes.

      AND I think it’s important to be compassionate when we’re honest. Some people do take things personally, and that doesn’t make them bad friends, it just means they are not feeling secure of themselves at that moment – or in that area…

      I guess we have to decide whether the friendship is worthwhile, and if it is then we work at it, because everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

      For me the question is are we willing to be vulnerable and trust – both the other person and trust that we can handle whatever happens? Can or will we forgive and let go? See my latest post on taking things personally…

      Great to see you on here Ang! Keep up all the good work. EL

  • Rav

    What a great article, we should be more honest with our friends, after all – they are our friends, people we have chosen to be part of our lives and not just because they were “born” into our lives such as family. I have been over the years working on being completely honest with my friends and allowing them to see the authentic me. I started with being brutelly honest which doesn’t work and can often simply offend. What I have learnt is that through the correct use of language you can be honest without offending.

    We all need to learn to express our feelings and inner thoughts. If someone has hurt us it is important to let that person know how they have made us feel, otherwise they will never know, they may not even have realised that they had hurt us.

    Our expression of feelings and thoughts however need to be accompanied by the correct use of language, kindness and tact. We should express ourselves how we would like others to treat us.

    I disagree a litte with Emma’s comment about life and friendships not being easy….I think us women often over-complicate both life and friendships by over-analysing, making assumptions and taking things all to personally. Instead perhaps just see things for what they are and to acknowledge that its not always about us….

    I do agree however that being different and breaking the norms created in our society does take an immense amount of courage and inner strength. We have it all within us though create more positive energy through our words and actions.

    Friends who gossip about one another, it may be sad to realise, but those are not true friends. True friends are quality, they fill voids in your life and with these people you really can be yourself completely.

    Rav

    • Dear Rav, love your thoughtful response about friendship! Great points and well made too. Especially about women over-complicating things… (I’m going to generalise HUGELY here) I agree women have a habit of over-analysing things and looking for things that are often not there. Often with the best intentions – to learn, to improve ourselves…
      Anyhow, I’m looking forward to writing the next post about – not taking things personally… Easier said than done – but I know some of you have got there! Looking forward to more thoughts from people. EL x

  • I found that this article really struck a chord with me. Lately in my own circle of friends I have felt quite upset by comments I’ve heard good friends making behind one another’s backs and indeed, I feel like we are still not out of the 5th grade yet. It’s true what you say about Sex and the City, they are able to FORGIVE one another and move on.

    Anyway, I found this article very interesting and very true. I think us girls in some instances need a hard dose of maturity and HUMOR!!! It works wonders ladies!

    Cheers,

    Jesse

    • Thanks for your thoughts Jesse! Life and friendship are not easy. It’s easier to complain to someone else or talk behind someone’s back than to face the person and let them know how you feel… But we all do the best we can.
      Modelling the behaviour you’d like to see more in your circle of friends is a great non-judgemental option, but it takes a lot of courage to be different and take a risk… EL

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Today’s Date

TrailBlazing Women

Bookshelf

Friends and Enemies by Dorothy Rowe
The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman